Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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