the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
