i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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