i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize