I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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