Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
