her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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