My liver just broke up with me...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
