matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
