3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
