I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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