told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
