Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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