using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
