Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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