If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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