everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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