There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
