Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
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