I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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