What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
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I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
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I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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