I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
