Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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