Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i believe in u and ur pee
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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