3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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