I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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