I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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