Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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