Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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