I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
