She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
