I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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