I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
