I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why do cheetos always look like penises
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
