But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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