Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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