I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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