he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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