He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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