I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
