I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
