hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
