There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
