hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
