So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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