I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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