i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
