She said her name was "party"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
