if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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