That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
