I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
do herpes really smell.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
