i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
