its not stalking. its research.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
