why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
