I look better un-naked...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
