you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
