So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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