I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
