The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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