Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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