He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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