I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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