a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
