the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
